The Positivity Pop-Up
Sticking with resilience this week. All of us need it. Now, is the time to build and strengthen it.
Whether or not we are heading into a second wave of COVID, facing a prolonged economic downturn, preparing for the next black swan, or just confronting the daily challenges of life, resilience gets us through and helps us grow.
Last week I talked about the importance of self-awareness - tuning into our thoughts and feelings and becoming aware of negative thoughts and patterns.
Why? Because resilient people have a positive outlook about the future, or, what many refer to as optimism. They believe in positive outcomes or have positive expectations. This is not the absence of negative thoughts but the ability to acknowledge and then put them aside in favor of positive thoughts.
(Side node this is not Pollyanna thinking or putting on rose colored glasses, you need a dose of realism but you also are hopeful!)
Let's talk about 3 ways a positive outlook helps us bounce back.
This Too Shall Pass
When faced with a new challenge or a setback, resilient people remind themselves that the situation and discomfort they feel is only temporary. This is the first P in Martin Seligman's, a well-known psychologist, 3 P's needed to face hardships. You can think of his framework as highlighting the difference between optimism and pessimism.
Remind yourself of past challenges and remember that you overcame them. Think about how you did that? How it felt then and how do you feel about it now? Think about a time when you won't be feeling so bad in the future. In fact, how will you be feeling?
Look back at this moment as your future self. In five years, what will you be doing? How will you be spending your time- think about your purpose and your goals which guide resilient people? How will you feel about this situation? Will it be a lesson learned? Do you feel like it changed the course of your life or was it just a blip on the radar?
Tell yourself "this too shall pass".
It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I feel fine!!)
It's not the end of the world.
Negative thinking tends to limit or narrow our thinking, focusing in on what we see immediately as the answer. It can also shut down our logical thinking. We may experience irrational thought patterns, based on inaccurate perceptions, that are exaggerated by negative thinking.
This is catastrophic thinking. Or, perhaps you think "the world is out to get me".
Resilient people are not victims because they don't think that way. They view these situations as opportunities for growth and they seek out meaing in the hardship. They are not sitting around wallowing.
When you have these doomsday thoughts, again, remind yourself of past experiences when you overcame a challenge that felt like the end of the world. Remind yourself, what you are going through now is not an indicator of what the future will be.
I correlate this, in part, to "pervasiveness" the second P in Seligman's framework. Resilient people focus on the specific cause of the obstacle and do not see it as universal. The opposite of that is a form of exaggerated thinking that arises from negative thoughts. Notice words like "every", "all", "none", "always", "never" in your thoughts Challenge them. Get specific about the situation and the problem.
Actions and Options
Resilient people take action (for many reasons). When it comes to a positive outlook, they take action because they believe setbacks and obstacles, or bad situations can change. They not only believe in positive outcomes they believe in their abilities to conquer them. They have the necessary confidence to be resilient.
When you displace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts it opens you up to new ideas and possible actions. You can see more options and engage in more creative problem solving.
According to Barbara Fredrickson's broaden-and-build theory (Fredrickson, 1998), positive emotions can help broaden your momentary thoughts and actions. She says this broader perspective is a, "...recipe for discovery: discovery of new knowledge, new alliances, and new skills."
Positive thinking will help you respond proactively with a flexible mind open to new experiences and perspectives. Right now, we all want some control over our lives and getting to a place where you are being proactive gives you some of that control back.
Resilience is the power to pick yourself up over and over. If you are going to do that it helps to believe in a better future, to expect good things to come, to focus on the life you want and belive you will get it.
