Leadership: Conflict Management is YOUR Job
Buck up buttercup (one of my favorites!)
Seriously though. Many leaders avoid conflict. It makes them uncomfy, they want to be liked, or they just don’t know how to approach it. I often talk to founders about uncovering their blind spots. Avoiding conflict is willful blindness!
Conflict is inevitable. It is healthy and it is a learning and growth opportunity if managed correctly.
Costly Avoidance
On the other hand, if a leader avoids conflict, it directly impacts the bottom line and business momentum.
When conflict lingers or escalates, team collaboration and cooperation break down, creativity is stifled, productivity takes a hit, decision-making slows, and your best talent may walk out the door. Who wants to work in a hostile or dysfunctional workplace?
Tensions bubble up, mistrust festers, and stress levels rise.
Conflict happens. Often as a result of poor communication and misunderstandings. You will see it where there are opposing opinions or agendas, turf wars, competitive cultures without guidelines for acceptable behavior, ego or pride, performance discrepancies or failure to live up to expectations, perceived or real favoritism, or compensation disparities.
Keep those situations in mind so you can be better prepared to notice it before it gets too far.
3 Keys to Managing Conflict
If it’s not avoiding, then leaders often take the bully your way through it approach (aka “strong” leader or flexing their authority). That is not the answer either.
1. Timing Matters
If conflict is mounting among team members there is some balance between jump in and fix it for them and let them sort it out themselves (think sibling fights!).
Yet, once it reaches a point that your team believes you should be addressing it and you don’t, you may lose respect. Or if you wait too long it escalates to a point that it’s hard to come to a resolution.
On the flip side, if you jump in too soon you may be creating conflict where none exists. Is this a lively debate or about to come to blows!
2. Describe the Conflict
Have the parties involved (including you if you are part of the disagreement) explain how they see the issue as objectively, clearly, and specifically as possible. It is ok to express emotion without being overly emotional or letting it cloud the conversation.
Be sure everyone focuses on “I” statements. “I feel….” I am frustrated because …” “I am disappointment that …”
Ask people to clarify their position or opinion. This will allow the group to find points of agreement and identify where there is true disagreement. Maybe someone’s position will fall apart and reveal itself as an emotional rant – hello drama queen or king. Or, that this is really someone pointing fingers, for example, because they aren’t able to meet expectations.
3. WIIFM
WIIFM = What’s in it for me!
Seek to understand motives, goals, and agendas. This will help you find solutions that may help each party achieve their goal or to uncover motives that do or do not serve the whole.
Remember it may not always be possible to find a win-win, or close to win-win, but start by seeking to understand why someone feels the way they feel, or why they feel so strongly. Maybe one side does and the other is really just not backing down because of pride.
You are there to be the neutral party. This can be challenging at times for leaders because they have personal feelings about the people involved, the ideas or opinions in question, or other personal factors that might tip the scales.
Keep it in check.
Leadership is not for the faint of heart. Conflict management is your job. It’s ok to feel uncomfy, most people do, but like most things in life it gets easier with practice.
Do you struggle with conflict management? Set up a 30 min, no obligation, strategy call to work through any avoidance.
