Do You Need to be a Bitch to be a Successful Leader?

Last week I asked, Do You Need to Be a Jerk to be a Successful Leader?

Ok, what about being a bitch? Can we even equate a bitch to a jerk or @ss? Yes and no.

As a “loaded” label, not so much. As a reflection of the double bind women leaders face, not so much. Are the leadership traits we appreciate, and associate, with good leadership by men, the very traits that get a women called a “bitch” (to her face or behind her back!)?

How to Define “Bitch”

Webster gives us a few meanings, (leaving aside a female dog), something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant; a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman.

Wikipedia, calling out that it can be a pejorative slang word, defines as someone (usually a woman) who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive, or dominant.

Ok, I would think of someone who is malicious or spiteful as a bitch. The rest of those definitions are in the eye of the beholder. Aka perception (see below!).

What are other words that are often associated with the B-word when talking about women leaders: aggressive, angry, outspoken, bossy, calculating, … what else? And the hashtag worthy labels, Boss Lady; Ice Queen; Queen Bee.

Good Ole Double Standards

What is the line between assertive and aggressive?  If you are assertive, is that viewed as aggressive? Only when asserting power? She’s aggressive and he’s assertive, is that how it goes?

She is demanding and direct, therefore, bossy; he is strong and decisive, no-nonsense. Gettin sh$t done.

It’s a tight rope for women. A balancing act.

I would argue it should be a balancing act for men too. In recent years, there has been an emphasis on the value of what are traditionally viewed as feminine leadership traits. For example, the value of humility, empathy, taking a collaborative approach (women are considered communal), vulnerability, nurturing, patience, etc.

Yet, there is the 1980s shoulder pads and “act like a man” mantra; “nice girls don’t get the corner office;” or “bitches get stuff done”, according to Tina Fey.

Do they? It’s a balance.

A Female Founder’s Ultimate Gymnastics Performance

I have written about female founders recently ousted from their companies due to toxic cultures and discrimination. But the question of a double standard has also been raised. Is their fall from grace that much more scandalous because we hold women to a higher standard?

Many of these founders ran venture-backed companies. So, let’s just look at raising venture capital as an example of the tight rope women find themselves on.

Kathryn Minshew, founder of The Muse, shared the challenges of raising money for female founders. Particularly, she noted that “… it's a very difficult balance between coming off as strong enough to lead a company but not so strong that you're perceived as a bitch."  (p.s. at a Chief event I attended, she also shared a great story about a/b testing different clothing styles for these pitches – google the results!!).

This has been echoed by many a female founder.

Perception 9/10th of the Law

Last week I asked, what is the difference between perception and reality when assessing if someone is a jerk? The conclusion, it’s not what you do, it’s how you do it. 

Is that true for women? I read a male subordinate’s reflection on a female leader at his company who had to lay off 80% of the team, noting she did it in the most humane way. He said she was no tougher and no more decisive than any male boss he had. Yet, in the halls she was called a bitch.

Being a founder is hard regardless of gender. You are doing something new or different – you must be confident and outspoken. You are working with lean teams and budgets. You may have to cut costs, can’t implement systems your team is advocating for, let go of underperforming employees, and are “demanding” or “expecting the best” from your team (fine line).

So maybe you do have to be a bitch! If the leadership traits that we associate with strong leadership when demonstrated by men often get you labeled as a bitch, then maybe the answer is yes.