Co-Founder Communication – What’s Their Style?

Cofounder conflict is real and totally normal. Especially as you scale.

Figuring out how to communicate effectively and productively is key. Seems obvious I know, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. It’s a skill that requires self-awareness, curiosity, intention, and practice.

Do you know your own communication style? What about your cofounder’s? What about in times of intense stress?

The Four Seasons

One framework breaks communication into four styles. Which one are you? Analytical, Intuitive, Functional, or Personal.

Analytical? You like the facts and hard data. You may have little patience for touchy feely words. You may come off as cold, particularly to a Personal Communicator. 

Intuitive? I would think many founders fall in this bucket. You focus on the big picture and don’t get caught up in the details. You are a “get to the point” kind of person. Often think more in free form not linear path. You really could get on the nerves of a Functional Communicator.

Functional? All about the process; a linear thinking. You like a thoughtful plan with details and timelines. You might put the Intuitive Communicator to sleep! You likely need time to process information and maybe your cofounder is a quick thinker, shoots from the hip.

Personal? You are all about the touchy feely words. You need that connection with others to figure out what they are really thinking. An Analytical Communicator may upset you or leave you frustrated.

You can also break down styles into: Director, Expressor, Thinker, or Harmonizer (resort wear!).  Or a handful of other matrices, labels and boxes out there. 

The Director gives it to you straight (maybe they seem a little insensitive), action-oriented, probably good with moving fast. As cofounders you have to remember to slow down and carve out time to really communicate. The Expressor is animated, talks loudly, maybe not as precise (ugh the Analytical Communicator would hate that!) The Thinker is detail-oriented and less assertive.  Finally, the Harmonizer avoids conflict, is more akin to the Personal Communicator.

And on and on.

If we all have some natural inclination, or trained approach, toward one or the other as a baseline, what happens in times of intense stress?

Anxious or Avoidant?

Are you thinking those words don’t sound like communication styles as much as states of being? Well, they also describe “attachment styles” or behaviors in relationships in times of stress.

Understanding these behaviors provides some insight into how you could communicate differently with your cofounder in times of stress (and building a business is a fairly constant stress!!)

The Anxious type is emotional and looks outside themselves for their needs to be met. They need to be soothed, to feel like their cofounder is “with them” 100%, got their back. If they don’t get enough from the other person -- enough energy and engagement, they feel alone.

On the other hand, the Avoidant type turns inwards, retreats. They show little emotion (this will definitely cause a problem with Personal Communicator who needs that emotional language to connect and read someone). They may come across as cold or disengaged. As their cofounder, make sure you give them some time and space in the conversation to speak up.  

Esther Perel, a renowned relationship psychologist, identified 3 categories of issues that dismantle co-founder relationships. One of which is care and closeness. The need to feel like your cofounder is “in it to win it with you” and you can count on them. If the Avoidant one retreats in the face of intense stress, the Anxious one may feel abandoned and alone. Spurring more frustration.

Another category is respect and recognition. She says that may play out as one cofounder being stingy with the praise and heavy on the criticism. The neediness of the Anxious type can come across as criticism and endless, unfiltered feedback. The Avoidant one can take the time to give the other praise and show some appreciation.

See all the intersections and potential landmines if you don’t understand how each other communicates? This is meant just as a wakeup call. Figuring this out early and practicing will be the difference between failure and success. So, setup regular meetings, emotional check-ins, and maybe even a “conflicts” meeting.